I wrote this a couple years ago in 2015 and as I was sifting through my journals this week, I found it relevant for Valentine's day since for many it can be a day of comparison and loneliness. I hope if you are one of those people you can relate and be encouraged today.
I talk to so many girls my age dealing with similar things in this awkward stage of life after college called being a grown up. The hottest topic in this life stage always seems to be dating, relationships and being single. The biggest remarks I hear are "why is it so hard to find a boyfriend after college" or "why are all the good christian guys I see not interested" or "I feel behind in life because I'm still single." I know the struggle, trust me. I think there are a few key points that will help change your perspective and help you through this season of being single.
This first point is realizing that the enemy wants to trap us in the game of comparison and brokenness. This often comes from society and the pressure social media brings that we need a relationship to be okay. We constantly get asked about our relationship status or if we are interested in anyone. There is also the flaunting on social media from engagement pictures to weddings to glamorous Pinterest boards full of ideal, unrealistic weddings. These things aren't terrible, but it brings pressure by making us feel behind in life or left out. Not to mention TV and movies where every story line is centered around a perverted picture of what a relationship should look like. It's like a flashing neon sign saying, "Hey, you need this and if you don't have it something must be wrong with you." Well let me tell you something, that is a lie. John 10:10 says "The thief comes to only to steal and kill and destroy..." and for most girls he comes in the form of media telling us we aren't pretty enough, good enough or clean enough. He steals our joy by making us think something is wrong with us if a guy doesn't like us. He brings our pasts to light by putting lies in our head that we can't have the relationships we seek because of it and he makes relationships become an idol. He does all he can to devalue us and distract us from the one relationship we truly need (our relationship with Jesus). But the rest of that verse says, "I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." God wants us to be happy, He wants us to have a good relationship and He wants to be the foundation of it, if we will just seek Him. He fights every lie of the enemy with His word and we just have to stand on that.
The second point is realizing God wants the very best for us and wants to help us become all he created us to be. I realized my second point more clearly after reading a book called Spoken For by Alyssa Joy Bethke and Robin Jones Gunn. My perspective was forever changed and I realized I am already part of the greatest love story. I don't want or need the types of relationships the media and the world gives me. I'm valued, loved and pursued by the greatest King and that he has a guy out there for me. I realized all the "no's" in life were really for my own good because He loves us that much. When I first wrote this a few years back, I had recently watched some of my church's old relationship series messages and discovered the type of standard and covenant I should keep in order to have a Godly relationship. I realized there is a reason God hasn't answered my prayer for a husband yet and He has perfect timing in everything. It's not always easy to hold onto that and keep waiting (especially this time of year around Valentine's), but that's when I lean on Him the most. I think Pastor Chris said it best in his message called "Seek God" where he gave an example of himself at this age. He said he realized it was time to seek God first, serve Him with all he had first, and to stop searching for a spouse. He basically said that's when our hearts are in the right place and the rest will fall in place in the right timing. We need to stop focusing on ourselves and focus on God. In this season of singleness, I choose to put God first, serve him first and not let the enemy whisper lies in my ear. I know I'm forgiven and my past is no longer something the enemy can hold over me. I choose to continue to grow in this season and learn more about myself. I've learned to embrace the awkward moments and all the quirks God weaved into my being. I've learned what my passions are and what I enjoy. I've finally become okay with who I am.
I hope that if you are in the same season of life right now, that you are encouraged to know you aren't alone in what you're feeling. I hope you know that God has a plan for your life and that He loves you so incredibly much that he wants the best for you. I hope you have the patience to wait on God, serve Him first and hold yourself to His standard and covenant while trusting in His plan. I hope you won't give into what the world says your life should look like. Allow God to move in your life to transform you into the amazing person He created you to be, to remove the pain of your past and prepare your heart for the man he is arranging for you to meet. Most of all I hope that you know that you are great the way God made you, there is nothing wrong with you and that some guy will value you one day because you are a child of God.
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2
Helpful material to get you through this season:
Spoken For by Alyssa Joy Bethke and Robin Jones Gunn
Praying for Your Future Husband by Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer